Chapter 1: Perception
“God’s unwieldy love, which cannot be contained by our words, wants to accept all that we are and sees our humanity as the privileged place to encounter this magnanimous love. No part of our hardwiring or our messy selves is to be disparaged. Where we stand, in all our mistakes and imperfection, is holy ground. It is where God has chosen to be intimate with us not in any way but this” (Tattoos on the Heart, 35)
One of the turning points in my faith was when I discovered that I didn’t have to prove myself to earn God’s love. Up until my sophomore year at college, I had a narrow view of who God was. When I would mess up, make mistakes, or go against my faith, I thought God was up there shaking His head at me, saying “Really Ally? I’m disappointed.” With every wrong move, I thought God took a step away from me. Only when I did well (i.e. was up to date on my Catholic obligations, served others, etc.) was when I felt worthy enough for God to take a step towards me.
Two instances during my sophomore year changed this “tiny” perception of God that I held. (1) I had a spiritual mentor in college and at the end of one of our conversations he questioned “Ally, do you want to believe in a God who punishes and judges? Do you want a faith where you have to constantly be proving yourself to God? Or, do you want to believe in a God who loves you unconditionally and only ever wants to step closer and closer to you?” (2) I read Henri Nouwen’s “Return of the Prodigal Son” which depicted God as a compassionate and forgiving father.
These two experiences opened me up to a completely new way of looking at God. Like the father in the parable of the prodigal son, I finally understood that God doesn’t walk away; He holds His arms wide open, always waiting for me to come home. There is nothing I have to do to earn God’s love. It’s there. Always. Fr. Boyle puts it well in the passage above: “where we stand, in all our mistakes and imperfection, is holy ground.” Our relationship with God, no matter where that relationship may be, is sacred.
In chapter 1, Fr. Boyle teaches us that our perception of God is going to continue to grow as we encounter new experiences, places, and people. Although we will never truly understand the vastness of God’s love for us, the more we open ourselves up to new encounters, the more we will learn. Let us “marinate” on this knowledge and be open to a shifting and evolving faith.
Ally Liedtke is a Campus Ministry Associate at St. Mary Student Parish. She revived a bachelor’s degree in theology from University of Portland