In God’s Loving Gaze

Written by Kelly Dunlop on Thursday of the Second Week of Lent

11pm. 1:10am. 3am. 5:20am. I swore I had only just shut my eyes when the cry began again, sending pangs of anxiousness through my body and necessitating my need to get up. I rolled over to sit on the edge of the bed completely sleep deprived and feeling desperate in a pile of tears.

“I’m not sure I can do this,” I thought to myself.

“How will I get through another day?”

I stumbled to her room to embrace all 8lbs of my little girl. In a zombie like state I made our way to the Lazy boy to nurse. And it was there, in a quiet moment of rocking together in the still wee hours of the morning when our eyes met and locked in with one another, that I was transfigured.

The first few weeks of life, an infant cannot focus much more than a foot in front of them- nearly equal from the breast to the eyes- and researchers have found that as a child gazes upon his/her mother and a mother on their child the brain produces a surge of oxytocin, the love hormone, in both of them. Miraculous. As I gazed into my daughter’s eyes and she back into mine I was completely comfortable, resulting in a deep internal peace and holistic sense of self in the truest sense. How seldom it is that we stare into the eyes of another for any prolonged time, even those we care for most deeply, without pulling away slightly embarrassed or uncomfortable. It was in that mundane and yet sacred moment, that I knew my own belovedness because I saw and felt it gazing back at me.

“This is my beloved Son. Listen to him. “

So often I get caught up in the “Lenten stuff”- the ashes, no meat on Fridays, give up this; give away more; follow the rules and recite the lines. Yet God invites all of us in this sacred time of preparation to rest in God’s loving gaze, with complete vulnerability and to know Him and be known in the most profound way.

Questions for Reflection:
Who are the people in your life whose relationship with God illumines their way of seeing other people and events? What have they taught you?
In what ways are you aware of your own limited vision? What blocks you from seeing more to life than routine or burden?

****************************

Kelly Dunlop
Kelly was delighted to join the campus ministry staff at St. Mary’s in 2011. Before coming to St. Mary’s, Kelly was the associate director for social justice at the Newman Parish at her alumnus the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill where she studied psychology (’02) and social work (’05). While her heart still bleeds Carolina Blue, she and her family (husband Paul and children Conor and Erin) have truly come to find a home in Ann Arbor.
Email: kdunlop@smspnewman.org