Lead Us to Your Table

Written by Amanda Peters on Tuesday of the Fourth Week of Lent

Israel means “to struggle with God.” I’ve always taken comfort in that.

Fittingly, this Lent finds me in a spiritual desert. On the outside I appear to be a “good” Catholic. I go to mass, I am a catechist, a member of an SCC and ASB, a lector, and a frequenter of igNite.  I participate. I pray. But I would be lying if I said that I don’t struggle with God. I doubt. A lot. Doubting Catholicism, or at its worst, doubting God himself is terrifying. I can begin to imagine how the Israelites felt in the desert.

Two pieces have helped me come to terms with my dilemma:

“Lo, I am with you always means when you look for God, / 
God is in the look of your eyes, / 
in the thought of looking, / nearer to you than your self, /
or things that have happened to you…”- Rumi

“…But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it…” -Thomas Merton

There is no shame in struggling with your faith. Even the ancient Israelites continually wrestled with God. You’re not alone. Take heart that this Lent you are called to return home. A home that is always available to you. Our Lord has set a place for you at his table. He will never give up on you. Therefore, I cannot fear. I have a seat perpetually saved, and a Lord who will forever desire to dine with me.

Lord I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.

Questions for Reflection:
Where are the spiritually dry areas in your life?
How is God making himself manifest even in your doubts and fears?

******************************

Amanda Peters
Amanda is a senior at U of M studying History and History of Art. She can be found Irish dancing, reading, perusing the UMMA, or nerding out about history. Next year she hopes to either participate in Jesuit Volunteer Corps Northwest or teach English in France.
Email: [email protected]