Written on my Heart

Written by Jeff Hatgas on Tuesday of Holy Week

This past semester, I spent a lot of time researching and implementing team building exercises in an attempt to re-energize the retreat team training that my office has used for years.  I thought that all of this work would pay off in a greater depth of sharing from the students.  Yet, when it was all said and done, I was left seeing the same results.  Honestly, as someone who does this for work, I was deflated.  All I could think was, “Where did I go wrong?” To make matters worse, for a retreat focused entirely on one’s unique call by God, I felt that I was stumbling on my own path toward ministry.

As I took some more time to sit and meditate on this experience, the initial feelings settled down, and I was able to see things more clearly.  Sure, I might have “toiled in vain” (as we see in today’s first reading) with regards to my overarching expectations, but despite this, there were moments of grace in the process.  I needed to take time to redirect my gaze to the little moments–the joy of my own learning, the witnessing of the growth over time in the students leaders, and having yet another reminder for my need to hold myself gently in all things. Although this particular moment felt like a failure—because of the way I had framed it—I know that my that it’s important to take a wider view with the work that I’m doing.  Once I do that, I can sense that it’s bearing fruit—even if I can’t always see it.

This memory is a jolt to my system in remembering that no one has ever gotten through life without bumps along the road. Working through this experience, has helped me to reorient myself toward what I may be invited to by God. It is also a reminder for me to process both the joys and pains of my life with others as I continue to discern the name God has so tenderly written on my heart.

Questions for Reflection:
What do you do to bounce back from disappointment?
How do your experiences help orient you to your unique calling?

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Jeff Hatgas
Jeff is currently pursuing his Masters in Theology and Ministry at the Boston College School of Theology and Ministry. He worked as a Peer Minister at St. Mary Student Parish during the 2013-2014 academic year.
Email: hatgasj@bc.edu