Identity and Motivation
Written by Melia West on Saturday of the Second Week of Lent
“Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I no longer deserve to be called your son; treat me as you would treat one of your hired workers.”
It is worth reflecting on two nuanced thoughts of the younger son. First, his motivation to return to his father’s house is not out of love for his father, but out of use. He returns out of hunger in his belly, out of his own self-centered desires, not out of hunger for reunion with his father.
How much is this like myself when I stray in faithfulness from daily prayer. I become distracted by worldly deadlines or pressures, and only find a need to return to Our Father when I have exhausted all of my stored ‘wealth’. If I am honest with myself, that moment of realizing I am empty is a moment of desiring to return out of use, and not out of a deep love of a friend, a want to spend time with Him; I return to ask for more energy/love/focus… (or fill in the blank). Yet this is not a reason to make myself feel guilty. For this is not of God. God, who is “kind and merciful”, loves us so much that there is not room in his mind’s eye for him to remember our sin, or our misguided reasons of turning to Him. “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he put our transgressions from us.” While becoming aware of my interior motivations, let me not linger. Let me simply return to Him, rejoicing in my emptiness, in a spirit of love and not of use.
Additionally, the younger son does not resolve to return to his father to resume his position as a beloved son, rather as hired help. He has forgotten who he is – his very identity and reason for coming into existence, for being loved into existence.
Isn’t this at the heart of every sin we commit, large or small? We forget, even if for a moment, who we are as God’s beloved; for if it were possible to keep His Love for us at the forefront of our minds, we would surely not be tempted to leave His loving gaze.
Suggestion for Prayer
Set time aside today to sit in prayer; come to prayer in a spirit of love and not of use. Imagine yourself the younger son, and let the Father’s loving gaze rest on you. Allow him to drape His royal cloth over you and strap sandals to your feet. Do not be ashamed of your need, but stay with the Father in love. After prayer, forget not His unique and complete love for you, as you go into the world, to become the blessing He wants to make you to others.
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Melia West
Melia is a Master of Urban Design student at Taubman College of Architecture and Urban Planning, expecting to graduate in June. She and her fiancé are preparing for marriage in October. Melia converted to Catholicism in 2010, and has been a parishioner at St. Mary’s since August 2015.
Email: meliawest@gmail.com