Strength in the Darkness

Written by  Colleen McClain on Friday of the Third Week of Advent

Advent often feels like a “wake-up call” of the most intimate sort.  I imagine a hushed, excited voice calling out to me: Prepare! Awake! Arise!

But as on many frosty mornings, it takes me a moment to get up.  Even at the end of this third week of Advent, my heart longing for Christ, I lie in the dark and pause.

Am I really ready?

It’s in this pause—breath before speech; darkness before light; silence before rising—that God waits for me. The pause is quietly beautiful and piercingly difficult.  With all my walls and comfort zones stripped away, leaving just my heart and His presence, do I quiver from excited restlessness?  Or is that fear?

I imagine it’s a bit of both, and that Joseph’s reaction upon waking wasn’t all that different.  We hear of his dream in today’s Gospel.  The angel of the Lord appears in the dark of night and reassures him: Do not be afraid.

I’m reminded that even in the darkness, I’m far from the first to feel this way—nor the first to be rescued and embraced.  Tidings of comfort and joy, indeed.

So I continue, one cautious foot in front of the other, God with me.  A pilgrimage sometimes easy and sometimes excruciating; some steps blocked by my remaining, most stubborn of thorns; but all of them toward a wellspring of mercy and the radiance of Christ.

And there, in the darkness with all else stripped away, comes strength.  Perhaps my prayer is as song—the pause not just a rest, a breath between moments or measures, but a lift propelling me forward to a stronger voice.

O Leader of the House of Israel,
giver of the Law to Moses on Sinai:
come to rescue us with your mighty power!
-O Antiphons, December 18

Suggestion for Prayer/ Questions for Reflection:
Spend some time in the silence this week.
Where does the coming light of Christ touch you?
What does it illuminate?
What needs to be stripped away for you to receive His light?

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Colleen McClain
Colleen is a PhD student in the Michigan Program in Survey Methodology at the Institute for Social Research (ISR).  When not at ISR, she can still usually be found on Thompson Street—serving with the Grad/YP and Small Church Community leadership teams or the noon choir at St. Mary Student Parish—or taking up residence at a coffeeshop a few blocks away.
Email: colleen.a.mcclain@gmail.com