Small Steps

Written by Shawn Ricoy on Tuesday of the Fourth Week of Lent

I’m not very good at taking small steps. There are some things that I find to be “all or nothing.” I don’t do laundry if I don’t have three full loads. I don’t run the dishwasher until it’s full. I put off re-establishing a much-needed workout routine until I have a perfect weekly schedule set.

Laundry and dishwashing aside, I’ve really needed to focus on my health, both physical and mental. Thankfully this Lent has been different, and I actually have a weekly exercise routine that works. I know it’s okay to miss a day, and I have a little bit of room in my schedule to flex a bit and still get in a decent amount of exercise. I chalk this up in the “win column.”

A deeper way in which I avoid taking small steps is in dealing with the anger and resentment towards my dad that I carry with me. My dad was bipolar, and like many who suffer from the disease, he didn’t find treatment he could live with, and then refused to seek it any further. I learned at an early age I could not rely on him. I grew up with a constant sense of insecurity.

Our God is merciful, and abundant in forgiveness. In my own words, I look to Lent each year to “die with Christ so that I may be raised to new life with Him.” My “new life” would be free of anger and resentment toward the man who gave me life and the foundation for my faith.

I start by being more patient and forgiving with my husband and our boys. My first small step. I continue to think of ways that would release the resentment a little at a time, instead of with a set plan. I’ve realize that this “all or nothing” approach has already delayed this forgiveness for years, and that it could prove to be too emotional and painful.

This Lent will be different. I won’t limit myself to the forty days. I’m a big believer in the Christmas Season. I will try to use the entire Easter Season to practice God’s forgiveness and travel with Christ to new life. Unpack the baggage a little at a time. Small steps.

Questions for Reflection: 
What “baggage” are you carrying with you this Lent?  Anger? Resentment? What small steps might you take to begin letting go of some of this baggage?

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Shawn Ricoy
Shawn is a long-time advisor in the College of Engineering, and a long-time parishioner at St. Mary Student Parish. She and her husband Mark keep up with their three boys, enjoying their activities in choir, theater, and soccer. They love to travel as a family, and have completed their goal to swim in all five Great Lakes. Yes, even Lake Superior.
Email: soricoy@att.net